In a development so alarming you should probably stop reading right now, a website called
CountOlaf.com has appeared online. The Snicket Report learned of the site's existence after receiving an anonymous tip from someone named Lou Tocfan, who called it "absolutely remarkable!"
An in-depth investigation revealed that the site is the work of alleged actor, parental guardian, and villain Count Olaf, who is slated to appear in the upcoming film Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events. It includes a gallery packed with images of the frightening-looking Count, a Blog filled with bizarre rants, and several dozen lies, fabrications, and problematic statements, including one involving a duck.
When contacted for comment, the elusive Mr. Snicket said, "I can't...! I can't hear you! You're breaking up! An expression which here means--!" Suspiciously, the line then went dead.
The Snicket Report will continue to monitor these and other developments involving Count Olaf, the Baudelaire children, and the rapidly approaching December 17 release of the motion picture featuring them all. Until then, readers are strongly encouraged not to visit CountOlaf.com.
